the indecent proposal

One of my secret passions is acting. I cannot describe how I love standing in front of a camera and give myself over to the role character I’m asked to play.

My colleagues’ hobbies are their grandchildren, watching football on telly and a bit of gardening. The bosses love talking about their yachts of course, but mainly the conversations over the compulsory 8.45 am coffee break are something to do with the first subjects mentioned above.

I recently landed a role in a movie. Not a big one, of course, but I actually got a few speaking lines and was over the moon. I had once, before knowing any better, told my colleagues that I was due on telly one evening when I first started at the company. They looked at me like I was an alien. So this time I knew better. Just took a week off work and never mentioned the reason.

Of course taking time off in late October was strange enough in the eyes of my beloved co-workers:

Why? In October? You don’t have a chalet or a boat that needs attention before winter, do you? So why are you taking time off?

I did the filming for a week and then returned to work, high in spirits on the following Monday. I was asked to attend an ongoing board meeting, so off I went. The room was full of middle aged men, all in cheap suits and badly polished shoes drinking coffee and giggling like school children.

Miss Marple, you’re a bit of a movie star, aren’t you? One of the men said as I entered the room, whilst the others started laughing uncontrollably.

Well, that would be a bit of an exaggeration, I said rather startled. Why? Have you seen me in a film? I asked, thinking someone must’ve figured out why I’d had the week off.

The men cried with laughter. I stood there, seriously confused.

Yeah, "Miss Marple – the strap on slut" I think it was called, one of the obviously sexually frustrated men shouted and looked well excited whilst the other men howled like a pack of wolves.

I was gob smacked. Completely lost for words. Just walked out of the room without knowing why I was meant to attend their stupid meeting in the first place. I still don’t know. All I know is that I’m surrounded by a bunch of perverts.